The Boy Who Cried Wolf

So this past Friday evening was spent at Piedmont's Labor & Delivery unit. LDR #10 to be exact. Yep, we thought he was making his entrance. Nope. He was just making me uncomfortable. This is how it all started.

Last Friday I had to work 7 hours. Yes, had. My boss sometimes thinks he is a doctor as well as a lawyer. So he thought it would be OK if I worked 3 hours longer than the doctor ordered. So this extra 3 hours really tired me out.

As soon as I made it to my car, my back started killing me. I was doubled over in pain, crying, couldn't lift the key to put it in the ignition... not that I would have tried to drive anyway, but still. I am talking some serious pain. Anyway, after the pain subsided, I called Todd crying and carrying on about the pain. He told me to call the doctor, so I called... and waited for the return phone call.

I thought about driving to my grandmother's house just 2 miles down the street, but thought I needed to be at home instead. You know... take care of the furry babies, make sure Todd gathers everything we need for the hospital, etc. So, I drove home. No sooner did I get on the Interstate did the contractions start. For the entire hour drive home I had contractions.

Meanwhile the doctor calls me back and tells me to lie down for an hour, drink lots of fluids, take a Tylenol, monitor the contractions, and call him back in an hour. I do just as the doctor ordered. The contractions didn't stop. They were averaging 4 minutes apart, coming every 2 to 6 minutes. Doctor tells me to come on in.

We arrive at the hospital where I am hooked up to a fetal monitor and we begin our Friday evening. Yes, the nurses are seeing that I am having contractions, and yes, they are averaging every 4 minutes, but there is no progress on the dilation, so we wait. Todd and I watch Dateline and Farrah's Story in the meantime. Lindsay, the cutest nurse ever, comes in periodically to check on my and my cervix. Still no dilation, and apparently the contractions are slowing (or rather, not progressing). My doctor has offered me the option to spend the night, but I decided to go to sleep in my own bed. They send me home at 10:00 with 10 mg of Ambien, and needless to say I was passed out until the next morning. Nice. Very nice.

Keep your fingers crossed that the next time he decides to "cry wolf" he means it!

Put a Fork in Me!

I. Am. Done.

OK, more like He. Is. Done.

Yep! He is officially full-term! Today ends the "done cooking" week (as Toni calls it), and it could not have come at a better time. Here's why..

Yesterday was a bad, bad day for me. I felt heavy all day, and I don't mean weight-wise. I cannot explain it well, but trust me, I felt heavy. I also felt miserable because I am sick with a cold. No fun.

I slept until 10:30 Wednesday morning just so I wouldn't feel anything. When I finally got up, I moved so... so... so... slow. I was like that all day, too. No fun.

I am also on restricted duty at this time, so I work 4 hour days and then lie down for two hours when I get home. OK, this part is fun. Doctor-ordered 1/2 days and 2 hour naps each day, what more could a pregnant woman ask for?!?!

Except yesterday was different. I laid down at 6:00 and didn't get up until 9:30 this morning! Well, I did get up to go to the bathroom (once every 45 minutes or so) and to eat dinner (Wendy's fast food... not my idea of a meal, but what else could I do?), but aside from those few moments, I was either on the sofa or in bed. Poor Todd. Poor furry babies. They are being ignored. I am so sorry.

Anyway, back to Nathan. At our last ultrasound (May 4), he weighed 5 lbs. 9 oz. So he should be just over 6 lbs. now. His heartbeat this past Monday (May 11) was 147 bpm. He's also ready to get out!

I am 80% effaced and 1/2 cm dilated, or at least I was Monday. I'll know more at my next doctor appointment (May 18). I actually have 2 appointments next week... Monday & Thursday. That's unusual, but considering it is a holiday weekend, my doctor doesn't want to chance me going into labor over the Memorial Day weekend. Obviously I'll know more at next Thursday's appointment, but who knows... we may just be parents by this time next week!!!

Now I just need to tell my boss. He's so busy, we haven't had a chance to talk! Boy will he be surprised!!!

Never thought I would say these words, but...

I will be making Nathan's baby food. There. I said it.

At Saturday's baby shower, Jennifer handed us each a spoon. A beautiful chocolate brown spoon. The color was to die for. But I digress.

She then proceeded to walk around my living room asking us each to taste whatever nasty concoction was in the baby food jar sans label. Let me tell you... that stuff was NASTY. Yuck. As a self-proclaimed Foodie, my son will not be fed that stuff unless it is an absolute necessity. Again, that stuff was NASTY.

My friend Nolan (pregnant with twin girls... hopefully Nathan & the girls will have their first play date at Piedmont's nursery!!!) tells me that her sister-in-law makes her son's baby food and that it is super easy, so we shall see.

I know Jerry Seinfeld's wife Jessica has a cookbook about such things, so I'll be sure to check that out.

My neighbor Sarah makes Molly Beth's baby food, so I'll be sure to pick her brain as well.

Has anyone else made their own baby food? Any suggestions or combinations to stay away from?

Random

Just random things & thoughts...

My mom is having major surgery tomorrow, April 17th. Please keep her in your thoughts & prayers.

Todd & I have Childbirth Education Class all day Saturday. ALL DAY!!! Yikes!

My 34th birthday is in 8 days... April 24th.

My best friend Toni is hosting a baby shower for Nathan & me the following day, April 25th. I cannot wait to see all my friends, some who I have not seen in months! (It was winter. I hibernated.)

Nathan is due in 48 days, give or take. That's six weeks and six days, give or take. It's going FAST!!!

His room is 95% ready. All it's missing is the wonderful artwork that my friend Gray is painting for him. She also promises to hand feed me when she comes to deliver the art. I'm looking forward to both!

My sister-in-law Jennifer hosted a beautiful baby shower this past weekend. Our families showered Nathan with lots of love & gifts. He is one blessed baby boy! And we are blessed to have such special people in our lives!

I had a belly photo shoot on Easter Sunday. The proofs will be on-line in a few days. Let me know if you'd like me to send you the link & password.

Bob (my boss) told me yesterday that Nathan can come to work with me. Of course the details have to be worked out, and of course it all depends on how both of us feel (mommy & baby), but I am happy knowing that the option is available & that Bob thinks the world of me. (It doesn't hurt that he knows he cannot survive without me, too. That's a great feeling!)

Is there anything else you want to know? Just ask!

It's a Small World

So I just ran into a woman in the restroom here at work who is also pregnant. That means there are THREE pregnant women on my floor!

I have not spoken with her before, but today I learned that we have due dates close to each other as well. She is due in seven weeks, Aruna (the other woman) is due in eight, and I am due in nine! Talk about a small world. Wonder what was in the water all those months ago!

For months now I have felt Nathan move. It's been sweet, a little painful at times, but always a blessing. But today, I SAW him move! Just now. I just looked down at my ever-growing belly where I saw him punch/kick me 3 times! Of course this put a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

In other news, we visited the doctor yesterday for a routine appointment and a fourth ultrasound. We got to see our sweet boy. We also learned that he is no longer breeched (and he better stay that way!), he weighs 3 lb. 5 oz., and he is still a he.

Of course the "no longer breeched" news was the best. I actually shed a tear. I really want to deliver him "naturally." When I say naturally, I mean with drugs, but without a C-section. I want to watch him take his first breath and have the doctors place his body on mine upon his arrival. Messy or not, this is what I hope for.

Lucky Day?

Today is St. Patty's Day. It's supposed to be a lucky day. For some it might be, but for me it's not. Today is the day I stopped wearing my wedding & engagement rings. I knew this day would come, I just didn't expect it to come this soon.

A jeweler told us a few weeks ago that I should go ahead and remove my rings for fear that my hand would swell and the rings would have to be cut off or risk losing my ring finger. Perhaps he was being a bit dramatic, but he definitely meant well. My bands make the rings, and with our personal inscriptions on both bands, I don't want anything to happen to my rings.

So, today I removed my rings. It's a sad, sad day.

Not for the Faint of Heart

Disclaimer #1: This is intended for mature audiences only.

Disclaimer #2: Do not drink anything while reading this. Trust me!

I got this off my friend Whitney's blog. It was shared with her by another blogger as part of Whitney's Friday "Tell Me a Joke" posting.

Here you go...

"Hair Removal....

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on.........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my Hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!...OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe... OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. OMG! NOOOOOo!!!

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Totally sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and Hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or Hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!! It works!!'

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......"

Smile!

Yesterday I had a dental cleaning. It is recommended that pregnant women have their teeth cleaned every 3 months during pregnancy, so yesterday was my second such appointment. (I'm a good patient anyway. As a heart patient, I go every 4 months.)

The funniest thing happened in the dentist's chair yesterday morning. The hygienist was using the "super sonic pressure washer" (my term, not theirs) to remove plaque & tarter. Nathan DID NOT like the noise. At. All. In less than 2 minutes, he moved from my right side to my left side, kicking & punching me the entire way!

I don't think he's ever hung out on my left side. Ever. I typically feel his kicks & movement on my right side.

Anyway, he stayed on my left side for the remainder of the appointment, especially when she was cleaning my teeth. I even joked that he just might stick his hand out and demand that she give him the tools!

After the hygienist finished, and before I made my way to the car, he was back on the right side & no doubt as happy as a clam!

Two down. One to go.

Today marks the start of my third trimester.

This weekend I hope to accomplish the following:

• line drawers so I can put away Nathan's clothes
• paint letters that spell his name and get them hung
• clean toy box that my brother loaned me
• fix lamp that I broke Tuesday night (don't ask)
• decorate the inside of a mini-armoire that will hold books & blankets

Think I'm overdoing it? Perhaps. But as long as I have the energy, I'll make it happen!